


let's keep it virtual

by death13



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Awkwardness, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gender-neutral Reader, Humor, One Shot, Other, POV Kozume Kenma, Pining, Reader-Insert, Unrequited Love, kinda? it's an Entire Different Situation tbh, like literally no pronouns were used for the reader it's Truly neutral, reader is also kinda an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 23:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16073663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/death13/pseuds/death13
Summary: 14 times kozume kenma falls in love with you





	let's keep it virtual

Kenma sees you for the first time during his first year of high school, it's in Maths, where you sit in front of him.

He strategically sits on the last desk, next to the window, so he can easily play on his PSP or admire the scenery whenever he gets bored. The guy who sits to his side isn't much of a buddy-buddy person either, which Kenma's thankful for. That simply means that he won't be subjected to another painfully awkward first-day-of-school-who-dis conversation.

Kenma won't say that he's exactly interested in making any friends except Kuroo and eventually the volleyball club.

And, he's rather impassive on the topic of his new classmates. Despite observing them, he finds nothing interesting or notable while Mr Blahblah drones on about Algebra.

But you. You're annoying.

As mentioned before, you sit right in front of him, next to some dude. You two chat among yourselves excitedly—as if you've known each other for ages—laughing obnoxiously and seemingly having the time of your lives, which in itself isn't a problem. Kenma definitely enjoys a good joke thoroughly, being quite a fan of laughing and laughter or something along those lines. The problem arises when the teacher storms over to scold you, he gets in trouble (a one hour long detention, to be exact) after the greasy old man notices the device in his hands.

He's fucked.

* * *

Kenma lets out an almost inaudible sigh as he's forced to sit in your vicinity once again. It's during detention—led by some teacher he's never seen before—when another greasy old man scrutinizes the kids in front of him with slight distaste. 

(The boy doesn't blame him.)

You're a seat away from him this time, messing around with yet another dude he doesn't recall seeing before. To be honest, he's surprised that any other delinquents managed to get in trouble on the first day of school anyways. 

He's left to listen to your barely suppressed giggles for the rest of detention while you act overly-familiar with someone you've probably barely met today.

Kenma isn't sure if he envies your ability to be so outgoing or if he's content with being on his lonesome. So he settles on weighing out the pros and cons instead. 

* * *

It's two weeks later when he sees you on the bus. Kenma often gets the earlier one to avoid being late and, therefore, to avoid the sharp stares of his classmates when he inevitably arrives after them.

You on the other hand have made the habit of coming in late, which the teachers always give you slack for (along with your disrespect towards the school dress-code). So, because of your clashing schedules, Kenma honest to god had no idea that you two take the same bus.

It's a sharp wheeze that turns his attention away from the game he's playing. Cautiously, almost shyly, does he turn his head up towards the source of the noise.

It's  _you_. Of course it fucking is, right in front of him. He's been subjected to hearing that laugh for what he feels is longer than centuries, so he doubts that he'll be able to mistake it anywhere. Not when it's so characteristic to you, specifically. 

He likes to think of it as a boisterous outburst of joy.

And it's you, by the way you're eyeing the guy in front of you, like he's the only person in the world. You always do that when talking to people, Kenma notes (and no, he's NOT being a creep, he just likes people-watching, thanks).

His feline eyes stay on your form while you're lost in your own world, joking around with the boy next to you as you talk some nonsense. Kenma isn't sure what it is that's always so amusing to you, his gaze fixated on your lips and the way you drawl out every word in a bored yet somewhat smug manner. Your words go over his head completely until you catch his almost empty stare.

Your lips curve up into a lazy half-smile before you wave at him, a sign of recognition.

He returns the gesture with an unsure wave of his own.

He's fucked _._  

* * *

It's two months after that one time at the bus when Mr Blahblah decides that he's had enough of your antics and he forces you to switch places with the guy that once occupied the desk next to Kenma's. The aforementioned Kenma feels butterflies flutter uncomfortably in his stomach as you take the desk next to him.

The butterflies aren't a 'I'm-in-love' type of deal, either. At least he doesn't think they are. Sure, he might've grown a bit infatuated with you over the course of that time, but a silly crush is bound to leave sooner or later. Kenma honestly doesn't dare entertain the idea of the two of you dating. You're so out of his league that even if he tried to picture it, he probably couldn't.

(And it's not like it's that deep either. You've barely spoken to each other anyways.)

He's more worried about the fact that, without a doubt, you're going to try to talk to him. And that's  _absolutely_ game over.

You sit down gingerly and at first, you don't bother him. The boy does his best to avoid looking in your direction at all costs, as if in an attempt to keep the beast at bay. 

Eventually you do get bored—which is inevitable in your case—and you jab his side with your pen. He feigns ignorance to the (rude) sensation, until you do it again. And then again. And another time.

Sister  _snaps_.

Kenma grabs his pencil the fifth time, when he sees you subtly moving out of the corner of his eye, and he blocks your pencil with his own. Your eyes glint with curiosity now, as you inspect the usually meek Kozume Kenma's resting bitch face.

A smirk settles on your visage like you've finally found a worthy opponent. Kenma grimaces at the expression you make, one that speaks about your twisted desires with just the wicked smile that has settled upon your mien. And after the brief exchange of intense eye-contact, a pen/sword fight commences. 

* * *

Kenma survives five days as your seatmate until Mr Blahblah promptly exiles you as far away as possible from everyone else. 

  
The old man mutters something under his breath about your ability to talk to even bricks—which Kenma feels like is supposed to be some sort of attack towards his aloof attitude that he probably would've taken offense to, had he been someone who actually gives a shit and fuck about what Mr Blahblah has to say in the first place—and you become isolated in the very front of the room. 

But a few glances in your direction on Kenma's part turn into twenty, which turn into thirty and suddenly he loses count as the days go by. Now, he's definitely not a sappy guy, but he  _does_ miss your presence next to him (partly because, well, you're a lot more entertaining than Mr Blahblah). 

And he'll be damned if he actually does anything about the almost pathetic longing he feels for you.

He's  _royally_ fucked. 

* * *

 _Anxiety makes people do giant reaches_ , Kenma thinks to himself as he stares at the phone in his hands. The gadget of doom. The technology of catastrophes. The judge and executioner of his future, if you will.

He cringes as he presses the follow button on your profile. An array of thoughts varying from  _will [L/n] think this is weird_  and  _I bet I'm gonna get blocked_  run through his mind. After he thinks about it logically however, he doubts that you'll know that it's him—you haven't talked to him ever since your title of 'Kozume's seatmate' was revoked, anyways—because there's an absence of selfies. 

(There is, however, one blurry picture of Kuroo's chin looking particularly fucked. Poor lad was having a bad chin day.)

Outside of over-analyzing anything and everything in his life, Kenma knows one thing; he wants to talk to you. And so what if he spends a good half an hour or so digging through your profile, going as far as posts that date to a few years ago? It's not like he has no life or anything, he just had free time in that particular moment.

Kenma's frown deepens. He's  _globally_ fucked.

* * *

 **catluvr666** :  
hi  
_Seen 5:32PM_

 

**sinusitisthewolf** :  
owo? wats dis?  
_Seen 7:45PM_

It's not like Kenma planned to get this far. 

* * *

**sinusitisthewolf** :   
so like it's been a few   
days so i was wondering   
if ur gonna finally tell me ur name  
or smth

 

 **catluvr666** :  
whats in a name anyways

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
ok but do i know you

 

 **catluvr666** :  
well  
 _Seen 7:15PM_

  


 **catluvr666** :  
i guess? barely  
 _Seen 7:32PM_

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
ahhh i get itt you  
want me to guesss  
so we can keep things   
interesting  
 _Seen 7:34PM_  

* * *

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
so i was thinkin  
are you from the volleyball club

 

 **catluvr666** :  
haha  
what gave you that idea???????????

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
well u do have that pic of that guy   
in the volleyball jersey on ur profile

 

 **catluvr666** :  
no. we just know each other

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
thats fair i guess  
whos that guy anyways

 

 **catluvr666** :  
2nd year  
gonna be captain next year

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
i see  
anyways enough abt bedhead   
do u play pokemon

 

 **catluvr666** :  
yea

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
my friends bailed on me  
u wanna play im gonna fuckin  
pop my bladder out of boredom

 

 **catluvr666** :  
isnt that a bit extreme

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
listen chief  
ive conquered countries  
ive vored sans the skeleton  
u think something so feeble as  
the concept of extremes  
is going to stop me?

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
heh. u'll sooner divert  
a rivers course than put  
an end to my tyranny

 

 **catluvr666** :  
so you think youre hot shit cuz you shoved a thesaurus up your ass

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
*nyas condescendingly* i've put AT   
LEAST 7 up in this bad boy

 

 **catluvr666** :  
thats great  
so you still up to play or nah?  
 _Seen 9:22PM_

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
HELLS YEAH MAYNNN  
 _Seen 9:26PM_

  


* * *

Kuroo peers over his friend's shoulder as he types his soul away on his phone. "Hey, who you talking to?"

Kenma's finger instinctively goes over the turn off button as the device's light fades away into nothingness. "Just... someone I know," he replies vaguely.

The elder gives him a look full of skepticism, but doesn't push it. Kuroo instead leaves the scene with a silent reminder about after-school practice. 

It's not that Kenma doesn't trust him or that he doesn't want to tell him. He simply can't afford giving Kuroo the opportunity to play matchmaker. Not when he's growing more and more infatuated with someone so popular and maybe even notorious around Nekoma.

* * *

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
so ur not from the  
volleyball team but youre  
from the school ryt?

 

 **catluvr666** :  
yeah

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
im kinda tired of this  
green cheese chase tho

 

 **catluvr666** :  
green cheese chase???

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
let me get this straight buster  
youre not either:

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
1\. an fbi agent undercover trying  
to get me to confess about that one   
time in vietnam  
2\. some wrinkly pedophile  
who lives nearby nekoma  
3\. someone trying 2 sacrifice  
my body to the wrinkly pedophile  
who lives nearby nekoma  
ryt?

 

 **catluvr666** :  
well no but to be honest  
if i was any of those things i  
dont think id admit it

  


 **catluvr666** :  
also what the fuck is that about  
"that one time in vietnam"

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
listen what happened  
in vietnam stays in vietnam  
alright

 

 **catluvr666** :  
youre a sociopath i hope  
the fbi catches you before  
you get to reenact whatever it   
was that happened back there

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
hells yeah maynnn  
wanna see a pic of my spit??

 

 **catluvr666** :  
correlation who???

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
maybe ud like it better if it   
comes from my mouth  
 _Seen 3:12AM_

 

 **catluvr666** :  
maybe.  
 _Seen 3:18AM_

 

 

 

* * *

It's a month before the end of the school year that Kenma actually manages to see you face to face again. Properly.

And he doesn't enjoy the experience very much—because when he sees you then, it's not as a friend that he's been talking to for months. It's more so as an erstwhile acquaintance. It's because online, he can play a very much more confident character than who he really is. Because, in real life, he can't say that he'd be even half as snarky or (dare he claim) flirty towards you.

You grab your backpack from the floor before running off somewhere. Before that you greet him with a quick  _yo, puddinghead_  and that's when he realizes that you don't even know him. 

He's  _universally_ fucked. 

* * *

**sinusitisthewolf** :  
hey so throughout the  
majority of this school year  
weve been talking so i thought  
that its about time we meet up  
irl (ay-ar-el)

 

**catluvr666** :  
oh you think so  
when do you say we  
should meet up

 

**sinusitisthewolf** :  
i was thinkin saturday  
afternoon maybe at like 4

 

**catluvr666** :  
am or pm cuz just so yk  
im not a morning person. actually  
im not really an anything person

 

**sinusitisthewolf** :  
ofc pm dummy  
 _Seen 1:03AM_

 

**catluvr666** :  
thats fair  
 _Seen 1:23AM_

 

**catluvr666** :  
see you soon i  
guess  
 _Seen 1:23AM_  

* * *

It's on a Saturday afternoon that Kenma finds himself in the mall with trembling legs.

He doesn't even get to spot you before he bolts it to the bathroom.

A mixture of the fact that he realizes how much he lied to you to protect his identity (he never thought you'd become friends. he didn't think you'd care to meet him. he can't exactly show up and be like 'Surprise! It was me all along.') and the fact that he ate this nasty sandwich for lunch makes him nauseous. 

_Maybe it's for the better_ , he thinks as he pukes his guts and soul and whatever else out in the sink of the mall's bathroom. Because for him it's much easier to play this character of a charming guy On Line on the Intra Net anyways.

He makes a grimace as he wipes his mouth with his sleeve.  _Yikes, bad idea._  And the two of you don't get to meet.

* * *

 

**catluvr666** :  
im sorry for the late  
notice but long story  
short i thought it was a  
good idea to eat a rotten  
sandwich so now i cant really  
go to the meet up  
 _Seen 4:16PM_

**sinusitisthewolf** :  
thats for shame  
maybe another time  
 _Seen 4:30PM_

* * *

Conversations with you have gone scarce ever since the failed attempt at a meetup. The inside jokes have admittedly died out and you no longer spend hours talking about nonsense. He's been busy with practice during the summer vacation anyways (and he's been forced to continue lying his ass off to cover up the fact that he's one of the volley freaks). Kenma is at the end of his wits as he tries to spark up conversation with you, even though it's not really like him to be intuitive. 

(His hands shake more and more the longer his finger hovers above the send button. Irrational thoughts such as _[L/n] doesn't wanna talk to you_  and  _[L/n]'s gonna think you're weird_  and y _ou're gonna come off too strong_  flood his mind. He knows that you probably don't care either way. He's not really sure why he's so pressed about it.)

 

 **catluvr666** :  
hey wanna play some pokemon?  
 _Seen 7:12PM_

  
 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
sorry no can do  
im going on a date in a few  
with this guy i think hes kinda   
into me.  
 _Seen 7:13PM_

 

 **catluvr666** :  
honestly who isnt  
 _Failed to send. Please retry._

 

 

 

 **sinusitisthewolf** :  
maybe this time itll last  
_Seen 7:13PM_

* * *

 **catluvr666** :  
hi  
_Seen 5:32PM_

* * *

You officially hold the title of Kuroo's significant other somewhere after the beginning of Kenma's second year.

He no longer has any shared classes with you and you two no longer speak, not even on social media. The news is pretty abrupt—you start showing up to practice and you wear his jacket, and you give him quick pecks. You laugh at his horrid puns and he thinks that your jokes about furries are hilarious. When Kuroo's confronted about who you are to him, he answers with a cheeky grin and a nonchalant shrug. _That's [L/n] [Y/n], we're dating._

Kuroo receives words of congratulation and your presence quickly becomes expected during matches, during practice, during everything. It's not hard for the team to warm up to you.

Kenma isn't resentful towards Kuroo neither towards you regarding this turnout of events (he definitely liked the Facebook post announcing that you two are in a relationship), but he can't say that he isn't the tiniest bit... jealous. 

Your words from one of your last conversations swirl around in his mind again and again.  _Maybe this time it'll last_ was what you said and then it clicks in his mind. How you've always been together with so many different people, yet your relationships never had any titles attached to them.

God, you must've  _really_ bonded with Kuroo.

But being a lovelorn teenager is always sour, so even when Kenma tries to be happy for his best friend, even when he has long ago given up on pursuing you (using the word lightly), he can't lie to himself. He can't pretend he isn't looking at the way the two of you are fooling around, pretending that the sticks you picked off the ground are swords and fighting each other, thinking that this could've been him.

It's not him, though. You're no more than nostalgia and a whiff of first love. 

So Kenma diverts his gaze from the two of you and kicks a pebble from the ground straight ahead instead. With the way this affair's been going, he's  _omnipotentially_ fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> 3 times out of 14 you fall in love with kozume kenma too


End file.
